Sleepin' in the corn bed

I recently learned that when people search me up they often land on a YouTube video of an interview about solar power I did with one of my former managers at GitHub. I was dismayed to learn this, as that particular piece of content was not very interesting or illuminating for me, and it's not really representative of the kind of work I'm most proud of.

So, what am I proud of? My corn bed.

What was the corn bed, you ask? A simple wooden box filled with dried corn. You could climb into it and relax. It started like the story of the little red hen: I talked about wanting to build a corn bed for years, but my enthusiasm was mostly met with confusion or skepticism from my friends and family. People thought it was a dumb idea. They thought it would be messy. They thought it would become overrun with vermin. They thought I was a fool. But then I built the thing, and everyone changed their tune. People couldn't get enough of it. It was such an undeniably soothing experience to climb into that box, lie down, and really relax. (Cue a long sigh here... "aaahhhh")

When people look me up online, I want the corn bed to be the first thing they find. It was a creative success, and a simple project that tangibly improved my life and the lives of people around me.

Today I got an email from a stranger:

Hey Zeke. I stumbled upon your corn bed blog post and I am wondering did you ever use the bed for actual sleep? Were there any problems in doing so? I imagine there’s lots of dust generated from the movement of the kernels- but is it a comfortable sleeping experience? I feel like it would be divine.

Rather than responding directly to that stranger, I figured I'd answer their questions here on news.ziki.boo, my fancy new microblog thingy, which I created for just this kind of purpose.

Sleep: Did I sleep in the bed? Yes! And it was divine. But it took a while to get the process dialed, and it wasn't ideal in all conditions. At first I thought I could just jump right in with a pillow and a blanket to put over me, but soon realized that wasn't great. While it's nice to roll around freely in the corn for play or for a short nap, it's not really great to spend a whole night submerged in it. The main reason for this is temperature regulation. Because the corn kernels have so much surface area, even the slightest movement of your body causes a disturbance of the kernels that causes cooled surfaces to come in contact with your skin. So I found that it was too easy to get cold, even in the summer in East Los Angeles. I suppose you could come up with some kind of system for warming the whole bed and the kernels within it, but I didn't really consider that. Sounds complicated.

The sleep setup that ended up working best for me was putting down a flat sheet over the corn, then snuggling into that. I still got the benefit of the form-fitting shape, but without direct contact between the kernels and my skin. I would, however, generally leave enough room at the foot of the bed with no sheet so I could "dip" my bare feet into the corn. That was really nice.

Dust: Dust wasn't really a problem. The bed was filled about 6 inches deep, and the little particles and dust were never noticeable as they naturally settled down to the bottom. When I eventually dismantled the corn bed to move to Paris, I found a layer of sediment along the bottom of the bed, but there wasn't much of it and it wasn't gross or anything. Kinda like the dust at the bottom of a box of cereal.

Cow corn: The stranger didn't ask about this, but I want to mention it while I'm here. I built the first bed with "cow corn", a variety of corn that's fed to livestock, and supposedly not fit for human consumption. It looked a bit like hominy, if you know that is. I chose to use cow corn because the kernels were large, and since it was meant for livestock it was much more affordable than something like popcorn kernels.

Corn alternatives: It's been over 15 years since I built that corn bed, and I hope to someday build another one, or something similar. My family has suggested considering other legumes or grains like beans, lentils, peas, rice, etc. I'm sure they'd probably all be great in their own way, but I still think cow corn probably hits the sweet spot in terms of size and affordability. Another alternative could be small clay balls. At the Korean Wi Spa in downtown Los Angeles they have a variety of saunas, one of which has a floor filled with a layer of small terra cotta balls. Think "ball pit", but it's only a few inches deep, and the balls are a bit smaller than marbles. Those were pretty nice, and arguably more sanitary than any perishable food product. You could get those wet and not have to worry about things going south. Perfect for a sauna!

Stranger, I wish you luck in your journey to sleep in a corn bed of your own. Even if it ends weirdly, I doubt you'll regret the experience.

Now, to figure out how to get my corn bed content to be the first result when people search me up... 🤔